As all families deal with schedules, discipline, communications or vacations, then on top of it all, raising healthy and well-balanced children, "What is the best compass to use?" question comes up in every conversation.

"How do I keep us all on the same schedule so we can enjoy a meal together?"
"What do I do when I know my child is in crisis and won't talk to me?"
"Who is the better disciplinarian….my strict wife or me, who is a pushover?"
"How can I plan for family vacation time, work demands and sports schedules?"

Let's consider the first question posed to experts about having a simple meal together. How hard is that to do? "IMPOSSIBLE" "CRAZY" "TOO HARD" often is the answer. This corresponds to ASSET # 2 "Maintaining Positive Family Communications". Recommendations to keep it simple might be the clue to sharing mealtime with our kids, so try a Sunday morning BRUNCH rather than a mid-week dinner.

The second concern of children-in-crisis is unsettling and of the most importance to parents. Conversation is the key to solving this because "so long as we keep talking, my child isn't cut off from help," parents report. ASSETS # 29 & #26 "Honesty" and "Caring" address open and honest communication between parents, kids, coaches, teachers, and other adults. Teens today report they have few adults they can go to with problems other than their parents, and yet those communication lines are often "down". Talking AND listening to children and teens about anything at all- weather, politics, movies, sports, music, and school is the key. The car ride is often a great place especially if hauling several kids, to just listen and laugh along with them. Bedtime is when kids may also open up with parents, so perhaps allow a little snuggling before turning out the lights. Adults who make themselves "safe people" to share things with, will often be the ones who can make a difference for those kids.

The third issue of discipline is a tough one, for sure, with personalities and personal experiences playing a huge part in the manner in which families handle things. ASSET # 11 "Family Boundaries" when applied to many situations will prove to be effective since kids will know their limits, your limits and feel comfort in that, even thought they WILL rebel, they at least know where you stand. Discipline is even tougher when influences from the people in your child's life conflict with the boundaries and rules of the family. Focusing on the ASSETS will help.

The fourth and final topic of scheduling around everyone's activities and jobs is one issue of commonality no matter who you are, where you live, or how many people are in your family. No one will disagree that the pace of our lives today is too fast. ASSETS #17 & #20 "Creative Activities" and "Time at Home" can give us all the direction we need to change these situations and be more in touch with each other. Slowing down your pace by simplifying your schedules can be a really good start and it won't be that hard. Each family will find the balance they need if they can first come to the agreement that this is essential to the survival of all. It can be as simple as keeping after-school activities to a limit or encouraging only one sport per season. These kinds of decisions can be painful or tough to follow through on since it has become common for kids to be running from one activity to another, eating in the car, and then crashing home late to do homework, sliding into bed at midnight, exhausted. Creative down time is nowhere to be found in many of these kids' lives. That's where adults can make a difference by giving value to "down time". This is when kids and adults can reflect, dream, envision their future, and rest. Vacations, sporting events, chores, and even jobs can be opportunities for this to happen if you wish. Simply keep focused on what can be gained during these times that will build character, help a person be more caring and responsible. The ASSETS will do that, so "Try a few today and call HCI in the morning."

For more information on the ASSETS and HCI, visit our website at www.hci-rtm.org OR call 610-891-6286 to learn how you can build assets in your community and family.