As we grow up, there are various adjectives applied to us in different stages of life. With our first breath, there is the title of 'newborn'. As we progress through 'infant', 'toddler', 'pre-schooler', 'first grader' and on up to 'senior', it is interesting and also troubling how the pre-titles almost always precede a child's name. Often you hear 'soccer player', 'football player', 'cheerleader', 'singer', 'musician', etc. used as introductory phrases for kids, too. Could we be just as happy as parents to simply say, "I have a son, Bob, who is 10." Is that enough of an introduction? Of course there is more to Bob than his gender and age, but isn't he terrific simply by being a son? Why do we do this? Do we make the mistake of applying importance to WHAT the child does, rather than WHO they are?

HCI has discovered over time that these pre-titles have an affect on kids and can challenge the way they communicate with us. The positive adjectives are just as powerful as the negative ones, when it comes to creating pressure for kids. HCI has worked with young athletes, scholars and top achievers, who feel tremendous pressure to fulfill those expectations of parents and coaches. College costs drive that message home harder and kids are expected to get scholarships. Tracking your child for any future path can be a tricky and delicate job for parents. Listen to what some kids have told HCI:

"I was expected to attend Princeton University, just as my grandfather, father, uncle and brother had done. That was told to me in 6th grade. I don't want to go there, but I can't tell my family that."

"I love Football, but not at the Division I level. The fun of playing isn't there anymore for me. I just want to go to a college and play without the pressure. How do I tell my coach and parents, who see me in Division I play, that it isn't for me?"

"There is so much pressure put on me to be the top in everything I do, and some things I just want to have fun with, no pressure, and no competition. My parents have spent so much time and money on me, I can't let them down."

Naturally there is the desire to please, be accepted, liked, and to fit into some kind of category. But suppose the child has little or no choice in how they express themselves because of the pressure from parents, family, friends or community of what they see as important. HCI has been working for more than 6 years on these issues, and has listened to kids tell us they hate competition and pressure. The challenge for all of us, as a community, is to work out a way to allow the fun back into sports, education and living in general. Kids have a whole lifetime to deal with pressures of keeping a job, pleasing a boss, paying bills, providing for a family, and maintaining their health. If the expectations are set so high and kids aren't given the chance to express their feelings, we haven't done our job well enough.

So, let's forget the pre-titles, forget WHAT our kids do, and simply recognize WHO they are. Let's give value to their thoughts, dreams, passions, kindness, and generosity. Everything else, all the accomplishments and honors, will follow in due time.